Different Circumstances
by Keesha
Summary: Another take on what happened after TJ between Ryan and Marissa


Keesha Different Circumstances  
  
Oct 03  
  
Disclaimer: The characters and situations of the TV program "The OC" are the creations of Fox and have been used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended.  
  
Comments To: keeshaty@att.net  
  
Placement: After TJ episode.  
  
Note: This was written before OC came back from break. There are a lot of similarities between what I thought would happen and what did happen. Spooky.  
  
It was the social event of the new school year and Ryan didn't know why he'd let Seth talk him into attending. Marissa was not out of the hospital yet and Ryan really didn't feel like partying, not so soon after the disastrous trip to TJ. However, Seth had pulled his, 'oh poor me, Summer will be there' trump card, 'don't make me go alone, it will be good for you to get out of the house, get your mind off Marissa, yadda, yadda' and Ryan had found himself reluctantly agreeing to go. Ryan didn't know why but sometimes he found it very hard to say no to Seth. Maybe that was what it was like, being part of a real family, the willingness to do stuff you didn't want to for the sake of your family. Between the cocktails he had consumed earlier in the evening, the incredibly loud music, and stuffy house full of drunken revelers, Ryan's head was pounding. He needed a break so he decided to make a brief sojourn into the coolness of the darkness to revive himself. Carefully weaving his way through the intoxicated and stoned crowd, he finally emerged on the teak deck which lead to the beach. The night breeze off the ocean was chilly and refreshing on his overheated skin, however, the party music was still too loud, making his head throb. Trying to get out of the range of the blaring music, the blond teen turned and started walking southward on the sand. The full moon provided intermittent light as the clouds passed in front of it. The beach grew deserted the further he strolled away from the house. He thought he finally had the shoreline all to himself when he noticed someone up ahead who appeared to be lying in the sand. The cloud that had been blocking the moon slid aside flooding the beach with pale light again. In the improved visibility, Ryan was able to determine that the person lying on the beach was a girl who was curled on her side. Ryan moved in her direction, mainly to reassure himself that the girl was OK. He knew these OC kids; they thought nothing of drinking themselves into a stupor and laying where they fell. This kid could spend the whole night laying here in the sand and no one would care. There was enough white knight in Ryan that he felt compelled to make sure she was alright. As he drew nearer, Ryan thought he recognized the girl from school. He didn't recall ever having a conversation with her, but he did remember her face from one or two of his classes. He racked his brain to come up with her name. It seemed to him that she was a quiet girl who kept mainly to herself, that she hung on the fringes of the in-crowd, wanting to belong he suspected, but not being invited. Finally, it came to him, Linda, he was pretty sure her name was Linda. Drawing abreast of the girl, Ryan called out tentatively, "Hey?" When he got no response, he squatted in the sand next to her and tried again. "Linda?" She was no more responsive than the first time. With a hesitant hand, he reached out and lightly shook her shoulder. Her eyes fluttered but did not remain open. "You ok?", he asked, shaking her a little harder in hopes of rousing her.  
  
Linda's eyes opened as she tried to focus on Ryan, seeing but not seeing him.  
  
"It's Ryan," he said, not that she would know him, but he was at a loss as to what else to say.  
  
Linda's eyes rolled back in her head and she went totally limp. Ryan, getting scared, reached out and took her wrists in his hands, intending to sit her up. He started to carefully pull her upright, but her wrists were slippery in his hands and he lost his grip. He watched as the girl slumped back onto the sand. He went to wipe his hands on his pants and try again when the moon unveiled itself again. He noticed his hands, they were covered with blood. His heart started to beat wildly in his chest. What was going on? Where was the blood coming from? It couldn't be him, he hadn't cut himself. It must be from Linda. Gently, he picked up Linda's left arm and rotated her wrist upwards. Two deep cuts which were spurting blood, marred the otherwise smooth skin. In a panic, Ryan grasped her other wrist and flipped it over only to discover it too had met the same fate. "Oh no," he moaned. Ryan desperately tried to wake the teen. "Linda. Please, open your eyes," he pleaded as he pulled her upright and gently rocked her by the shoulders. "Please," he implored but she remained comatose. Ryan knew he had to get her help and quickly. Scooping her up off the sand into his muscular arms, the teen rapidly started running towards the house, which was at least a quarter-mile down the beach. Linda's wounds were pumping out blood at such a rate that Ryan knew she must have severed the arteries. His shirt was saturated with her blood. He was sweating profusely from exertion and nervousness and as he neared the beach house, his sweat poured down his face, mingling with her blood on his shirt. Between the headache and the drinking he had done earlier, Ryan was not in the best of physical condition to be sprinting down the beach with 120 pounds of dead weight in his arms. He was within 100 feet of the deck when he faltered, stumbling and pitching them both into the sand. The jolt of hitting the ground caused Linda to momentarily regain consciousness. Her eyes roamed dazedly until they found Ryan, who had rolled onto his knees next to her. Her lips were moving but no sounds came forth. "Shhh. Don't try to talk," Ryan said urgently. Linda ignored him, desperately trying to say something. Swallowing hard, she finally said, in the barest of whispers, "I'm dying, aren't I?" "No," Ryan lied, even though he believed she spoke the truth. "It's alright. I planned this. I want this," Linda answered serenely. Ryan shook his head in denial. "No, you'll be OK. We'll get you to the hospital." He gathered her up in his arms again as he stared down at her pale face. The image of a white skull fleetingly passed through his mind. As he attempted to rise to his feet, he saw the light dim in her eyes. "Linda," he beseeched, his voice breaking. "Hang on. Please," but as he watched, Linda's soul fled her body, leaving an empty, inanimate husk behind in his arms. Her lifeless eyes stared up at him. The teen dropped back on his knees and gently laid her inert body on the sand. Ryan had seen death before, but he'd never had someone die in his arms. Trembling at the magnitude of what he had just witnessed, Ryan remained kneeling on the beach, head bowed over the deceased girl. Finally, when he felt partially composed, he heaved himself to his feet and crossed the last hundred feet to the house. No one from the party noticed him other than Seth, who'd been keeping an half-eye out for his adoptive brother. "Dude, where'd you go?" Seth queried. As Ryan moved into the light, Seth's jaw dropped open. Ryan's shirt was stained dark red and his arms were matted with blood. "Call an ambulance, the police," Ryan croaked. "Are you all right Ryan?" Seth asked in concern. "The blood---" "Is not mine. It's Linda's. She's ---"Ryan looked away from Seth in anguish barely able to talk around the lump forming in his throat. "Dead," he finally whispered.  
  
Part 2  
  
The police had come, an ambulance and the coroner. Since Ryan was the one who had found her, every official there questioned him at least twice. It didn't help that they had run a check on him and had learned he was on probation. For a while, the police were questioning him as if he was a murder suspect and Ryan wondered if he was going to be treated to a ride down town. However, after the coroner announced he believed it was a suicide, the police quickly lost interest in him and the case. They briskly wrapped up their investigations and departed the scene. Seth, who had acted as an intermediary to the officials, went looking for Ryan after he had seen the officials off. He found the troubled teen sitting on the deck, slumped in a chair. The boy looked worn out, beat, and a lot older than his sixteen years.  
  
"Come on Ryan. Let's go home," Seth, prodded, gently placing his hand on the boy's shoulder.  
  
Ryan didn't offer any resistance as he rose from the chair and followed Seth through the near-empty house. The few people left at the party stared at the boy like he was a carrier of the plague, but Ryan was too numb to notice or care. Getting in the Rover, he closed the black door, settled back against the plush leather passenger seat and closed his weary eyes. Disturbing imagines of the dead immediately started flashing across his retinas. Shuddering, he quickly opened his eyes and stared out the window instead, trying to erase the horrifying visions. The white skull had flashed by again though what was even more unsettling was the image had looked more like Marissa than Linda.  
  
"I didn't know you knew her," Seth said maneuvering the Rover onto the coast highway.  
  
Ryan shook his head slowly. "I didn't. Not really. Saw her in class. Don't recall ever speaking to her."  
  
"I wonder why she did it?" Seth pondered.  
  
Ryan winced. Who knew? Everyone had their issues, like Marissa who had washed down a fistful of pain pills with alcohol in Tijuana, nearly ending her life. She had been upset that Luke had been cheating on her and the break-up of her parents. But was that enough to want to kill yourself?  
  
"Did she, Linda, say anything to you? About---"  
  
Ryan leaned his head against the window glass. "Seth, I can't--- talk about this now," he said, his voice low and uneven.  
  
Seth immediately backed off. "Hey, no problem. I totally understand."  
  
The rest of the trip home was made in silence. The sun was creeping up on the horizon as the Rover pulled into the Cohen's driveway. Seth shut off the car and glanced over at Ryan, who looked like hell. His hair, matted with sweat, was plastered to his head. His shirt was so stained with blood that it would never be wearable again. But Ryan's eyes, they were worst of all, haunted and full of anguish. Seth repressed a shudder at where Ryan's mind must be at. The front door to the house swung open, revealing Kirsten in her bathrobe. By the expression on her face she was not a happy camper and she was going to be sharing her unhappiness with them.  
  
"Let me go first, Ryan," Seth suggested, opening the SUV door and getting out. He slowly approached his seething mother.  
  
"Do you know what time it is?" she demanded of Seth. "You'd better have a good explanation, mister."  
  
Seth could tell the moment that Ryan left the vehicle and entered into his mother's range of vision. His mom's face suddenly switched from displeasure, to shock, to unconcealed concern. "Ryan. What happened! Are you all right?"  
  
Seth intervened, answering on the other teen's behalf. "Mom, at the party, Ryan found a girl on the beach who'd committed suicide."  
  
"My God," she said her heart melting for the man-child standing forlornly in front of her. She started to move towards Ryan to offer comfort but he overtly stepped aside to avoid her.  
  
"I'd like to go shower," Ryan said, his voice devoid of all emotion. Without waiting for a reply, the teen entered the house disappearing from view.  
  
Kirsten turned to her son looking for a further explanation.  
  
"He found her Mom. She had died--- actually she died in Ryan's arms. Mom, he saw her die." Seth stopped babbling and swallowed painfully. "There was nothing he, anyone, could do--- for her."  
  
Kirsten reached out wrapping her arms around her son. Seth, for once, didn't pull back but allowed himself to be comforted by his mother. It had been a rough night, even for him and he welcomed the safety of his mother's embrace, even at his age. He shuddered at the thought of what Ryan must be going through.  
  
Part 3 Hell. Ryan was going through hell. He'd stripped off his clothes leaving them in a scrungy pile on the floor. Slipping into the shower, he scrubbed until his skin was red and raw. However, no amount of washing removed the imagines that had burned themselves into his mind. He came out of the shower physically clean, but still mentally disturbed. Yanking on a pair of shorts, Ryan scooped up the stained, offensive garments and took them out to the curb where he shoved them deep inside the garbage can awaiting pickup. He dragged himself back to the pool house, exhausted, and flopped down on the bed, but sleep was not easily forthcoming. He tossed and turned, finally dropping off into a troubled sleep. She lay there lifeless. He ran down the alley. Calling to her. Touching her. Begging her to wake up. A white skull superimposed itself on her face. He lifted her. Into his arms. Carried her. Seth and Summer followed. Like a death procession. The skull flashed by. 'Wake up,' he pleaded. 'I need you.' Her head lolled backwards. 'Open your eyes.' And they did, open, but they were lifeless. Bolting upright, Ryan woke from his nightmare. His throat was raw. He was sweating, heart pounding, eyes wild with terror. 'It hadn't been Marissa that died. It had been Linda. Marissa was alive,' he repeated to himself like a mantra. He scrubbed his trembling hands over his face, trying to banish the terrifying dream. He wanted a cigarette. He wanted a drink. He wanted--- Marissa. Rolling out of bed, he pulled a t-shirt on and stepped outside into the waning afternoon light which matched his mood, grey and gloomy. He glanced over at the main house, not wanting to go there yet. He was not ready for questions. His emotions were too raw, he was too on the edge. He needed some time to himself, to think, to get his head on straight. Making a decision, he stepped back into the pool house long enough to grab a pair of sandals and a shirt. After putting on both, he headed down the sandy path to the shoreline below the houses. He would find the solitude he needed amongst the rocks and sand. Arriving at the bottom of the pathway, he scanned right then left. Other than all the sailboats beached there, the cove was deserted. Moving northward, he walked about 300 yards to a small cliffside area. Plopping down on the sand, he drew his knees up to his chest, folded his arms on top of his knees and rested his head on his forearms. As his mind wandered down the twisted pathways of his nightmare, he started trembling again. He hugged his knees hard trying to stem the tremors. He was losing it, mentally going over the edge, and he knew deep down that Linda was the not the real cause of his distress. She was just the catalyst that had brought his deeper, repressed feelings back to the surface. Marissa. She was the real cause of his anguish. Her suicide attempt had really upset Ryan. He had tried to remain cool and calm after the incident, the voice of reason, but inside he had been scared, terrified and he still was. What if she did it again? What if they released her from the hospital and she wasn't the same. What if she blamed him, did not want to see him again.? What if---- His mind roamed back to the time after the fateful TJ trip. Seth, Summer and he had gotten Marissa to the hospital after they had found her lying comatose in that alley. The hospital staff had contacted her parents and the Coopers immediately made arrangements to have Marissa medi-vaced to a private hospital in the States. The two boys and Summer had remained behind to deal with the authorities, who had questioned all three of them, though not extensively. The police treated the whole incident as if it were something that happened all the time in TJ and based on what Ryan had seen of the place, it probably was. The trip home had been long and silent with the fate of Marissa unknown. Summer and Seth had put aside their bickering. No comments or retorts were made about driving speed, the air conditioning or anything. Everyone was in shock and operating on automatic pilot. The grilling that they had received when they arrived home at the Cohen's had been much more detailed and much worse than the one by the TJ police. Shaking his head and groaning, Ryan leaned back against the cliff. It had taken days for that phone call to finally come in, the one that said Marissa was going to recover. Ryan had felt like the weight of the world had been lifted from his shoulders, at least momentarily. Later, his other doubts and fears had crept back in. Did she blame him? Would she do this again? Was she still the same Marissa? No one other than family had been allowed to visit Marissa when she was unconscious in the intensive care unit. After she had woken up and had been moved to a private room and was allowed to have visitors, Marissa's mother had made it quite plain to Ryan that he was not welcome. Ever. Julie had even gone as far as leaving instructions with the hospital staff to call the police if Ryan even showed his face at the hospital. Julie was convinced this mess was all Ryan's fault. If this punk from Chino had not come along and messed with her daughter's mind, Marissa would still be healthy and happy and would never have broken up with Luke. She had told Ryan all this, to his face, the first and last time he had come to visit Marissa in the hospital. She had not even allowed Ryan to enter Marissa's room. He had not seen Marissa since the fated evening he had carried her limp body in his arms in TJ just as he had carried Linda in his arms last night.  
  
'No,' he scolded himself. 'Not like Linda. Linda died. Marissa is alive.' However, to Ryan, not being allowed to see Marissa, to talk to her, well, it was practically like she was dead to him.  
  
Ryan closed his eyes in despair. His troubled psyche got struck in a well- worn grove in his mind. He didn't fit in. He had caused nothing but trouble since he arrived in the OC. He should be back in Chino, in jail, somewhere where he would not be causing all this misery. Ryan collapsed sideways on the sand as if to escapee his thoughts, but they still mad- dogged him. Finally, unable to stop himself, in sheer exhaustion he fell into a dreamless sleep on the sand.  
  
Part 4  
  
Kirsten tried not to worry, but she couldn't stop herself. She was concerned about Ryan. When she had gone to look for him earlier in the afternoon, she had found the pool house deserted. Since she had no idea were he was, she did what a good mother would do and she fretted. Now it was evening and she stared out the kitchen window towards the pool house yet again. She had not seen Ryan since he and Seth had arrived home in the early hours of the morning after the horrifying incident at the party. Poor Ryan, she thought for the millionth time. A sixteen-year-old boy did not need to experience what he had, having someone die in your arms. Perhaps it was alright for a doctor who was trained to handle that type of situation, but not for a teen who was barely able to handle what life had already thrown at him. Ryan, it seemed to Kirsten, attracted trouble like a magnet. The teen seemed to be at the heart of a lot of bad situations since Sandy had brought him home. Kirsten admitted to herself that it wasn't always Ryan fault, but somehow, the boy ended up being involved if only on the periphery. She glanced out the window for the umpteenth time but the pool house remained dark. She had asked Seth if he knew where Ryan was, but her son had no idea. She'd searched the house but came up empty. Her car was still in the driveway and the boy's bike in the garage, so wherever he went it was on foot or he hitched a ride. She understood Ryan's need for solitude and she was trying to respect his privacy. Kirsten knew the boy was used to dealing with problems on his own due to the nature of his upbringing. He had no one to go to when he was growing up, no one to trust, to lean on. Since he moved in with them, Kirsten had been trying to instill in Ryan that he now had people he could go to with problems. But she had to move cautiously in this area so as not to push Ryan too hard and make him back away. She was walking a fine line between being there for the boy and not being too intrusive. The front door opened and closed. Kirsten anxiously spun around to see who had entered the house. When Sandy's face appeared in the kitchen doorway, she inadvertently sighed aloud, disappointedly.  
  
"Nice to see you too honey," Sandy quipped.  
  
"I'm sorry. I thought you might be Ryan."  
  
"Oh?" his replied, his tone asking her to continue.  
  
Kirsten turned back to stare out the window. Still dark. "I haven't seen Ryan since the boys came home this morning. I'm getting a bit worried."  
  
Sandy moved behind his wife to rub her tense shoulders. "You're not getting worried, you are worried. Try to relax."  
  
"How can I Sandy? The boy witnessed someone die last night and now I don't know where he is, what he's feeling, and if he's alright!"  
  
Sandy gently turned his wife around to face him. "This is Ryan, Kirsten. You know he needs his space when he gets upset. He likes to sort things out by himself first."  
  
"I know, but I want him to know we are here for him. That he doesn't have to do everything alone."  
  
Sandy folded his wife into his arms. "Did I ever tell you what a great Mom you are?" he whispered in her ear.  
  
"Yes," she replied. "And it doesn't make me worry any less."  
  
"Give him time honey."  
  
"I'm trying to Sandy." Kirsten juggled her position in her husband's embrace so she could look out the window yet again.  
  
Part 5 Ryan woke with a start to find that the sun had set, the moon had risen and the beach was shrouded in semi-darkness. He slowly sat up rubbing the sand from his face and his blond tousled hair. Pleasant, sleeping with one's face in the sand. Stretching and groaning, he stiffly labored to his feet. A moment of unrest crossed his soul when a cloud covered the moon path's darkening the beach and causing him to recall what had happened last night on a beach in the dark.  
  
'God, it was only last night. It felt like eons ago. Get a grip, Ryan,' he rebuked himself. Suppressing a shudder, he picked his way across the sand back up the pathway to the Cohen's house.  
  
Entering the pool house, he flicked on a light. He knew he'd have to go into the main house soon and make his presence known. Last time Kristen had seen him was in the morning, when he and Seth had come home from that fateful party and he knew in Kirsten's book that was a long time to be out of contact. Ryan allowed himself a small smile. His biological mom never noticed when he was missing, even if it were for days; quite a contrast in parenting styles. Ryan pondered what it would be like to know that you had a support system, one that would catch you, no matter what, no matter how or when you fell. Like the Cohen's had, always there to back each other up. Seth could rely on his folks for support, physically and emotionally no matter what and that made Ryan a bit envious. As far as life had taught Ryan, the only person he could rely on was himself and even that was a gamble sometimes. He often disappointed himself. Ryan decided he was almost ready to face Kirsten. A good deal of his natural defense mechanisms was coming back online. They had temporarily faltered last night after finding Linda. Her death had rattled him, put his head in a bad place, allowed feelings he thought well packed away to reemerge. Had he talked to Kirsten last night, well, he didn't know what he might have inadvertently let slip. There was a lot in his past he would prefer the Cohen's never to learn about and he was afraid if he let his guard down---. Ryan sighed, breaking out of his reverie. He'd have to go see Kirsten soon, but first a shower. Between the salt air and the sand he felt gross. The shower would restore his physical being and he would work on clamping down his emotions and he'd be alright, well almost.  
  
Part 6 Kirsten, who was sitting in their bedroom positioned to be able to see the pool house, finally saw the light come on. It was all she could do to stop herself from rushing right out there to see Ryan. Sandy, who witnessed his wife's heroic struggle from the bed where he was reading, smiled. "Atta girl, Kirsten. Chill." "Shut up," was her curt reply.  
  
"At least give him ten minutes before swooping down on him," Sandy laughed.  
  
"For your information, I planned to give him thirty. And I don't like being compared to some predatory bird, like a vulture."  
  
"I never said that."  
  
"You implied it. Besides, Ryan missed dinner. I'm sure he'd like something to eat."  
  
"Not if you're cooking it," Sandy muttered as he picked up his book.  
  
The dirty look Kirsten gave him was enough to convince Sandy to knock off the jokes for the rest of the evening.  
  
With his hair still damp from his shower, Ryan entered the kitchen from the patio door at the same instance Kirsten came down from upstairs. They glanced at each other and simultaneously said, "I thought you might like some food." "I came in to grab some food." A moment of awkward silence followed which Kirsten finally broke by saying, "I suppose you'd rather make something to eat yourself than have me cook for you."  
  
Ryan gave his adoptive mom a small lopsided grin. "Yeh. Kinda."  
  
"No problem," Kirsten said moving towards the stove. "I thought I'd make myself a cup of tea. Would you like one?"  
  
Ryan shook his head in a silent no. He was looking for a caffeine jolt and went into the fridge to snag a Coke. While he was in there he grabbed the eggs, cheese, and some tomatoes. Kirsten brewed her tea then slid onto one of the kitchen barstools with the hot mug wrapped in her delicate hands. She watched Ryan make an omelet with skills she knew she did not possess. Necessity is the mother of all inventions and his mother made the ability to cook a necessity for Ryan. When the omelet was fluffy and golden brown on the edges, he slid it onto a blue plate and gestured in her direction. "Want this? I can make myself another." Kirsten was tempted. The steam curled up from the edges where the cheese and tomatoes poked out. It looked really good. But she wouldn't keep her lithe figure by eating two dinners a night so she declined. Ryan shrugged and grabbed a fork. He didn't want to seem rude, but the remaining barstool was a bit too close to Kirsten for comfort. He felt the need for some distance and a piece of furniture between them would provide that space, so he walked to the far side of the table in the kitchen and sat down in one of the green wicker chairs. Kirsten slid off the kitchen stool and took up residence in the wicker chair diagonally opposite from the boy. This was OK with Ryan as the width of the table still separated them. He mentally clamped down on his emotions again, which had started to falter when he saw what appeared to be genuine concern in Kirsten's eyes for him.  
  
"You were gone all day," she opened with, in a tone that she hoped conveyed concern not accusation.  
  
"Yeh," Ryan replied forking some omelet into his mouth. "Went down to the beach. Needed some space--- time--- alone."  
  
'The beach,' Kirsten mentally filed away. Good to know for next time Ryan came up missing.  
  
Kirsten gently probed deeper. "What happened last night, it must be upsetting to you."  
  
Ryan shrugged noncommittally. "No. Well yeh. I mean it was not like I really knew the girl---." Ryan paused. Kirsten remained quiet, waiting him out.  
  
Sighing and putting down his fork, Ryan studied the wooden tabletop. "I guess what got to me was having her die--- right there in my arms. It was eerie. One minute she was alive and the next minute--- not." Ryan couldn't quite repress a shudder. To cover, he picked up his fork and pretended to eat again. 'Lock down the emotions', he silently reprimanded himself.  
  
Kirsten wanted to go over and wrap the suffering boy in the safety of her arms, but she knew this wasn't Seth and that level of intimacy was not allowed, at least not yet. She hoped someday to reach that stage with Ryan but now the best she could do was offer verbal sympathy.  
  
"If you want to talk to somebody about---"  
  
"No," came Ryan's sharp, quick rebuttal. "I just need some time--- to internalize this. I'll be OK. Really."  
  
Kirsten didn't know what else to say or do. Ryan had made it plainly clear that he didn't want her assistance. Pushing wouldn't help, not at this point, it would simply make him back away even further so she simply said, "OK, but the offer is always on the table, Ryan. And it doesn't have to be Sandy or me. If there is someone else you'd rather talk to, a professional maybe, we'll make it happen." 'A professional!' Ryan panicked internally. Did the Cohen's think he was nuts that he need to see a shrink? In his neighborhood you didn't go to shrinks. Might as well paint a huge target on your back that said 'beat me up' because that is what would occur were he came from. It was a sign of weakness and if you wanted to survive in Chino, you could not be weak. "Really," he said again trying to salvage the rapidly degrading conversation by going on the offensive. "Look, where I come from, death is not exactly a stranger. I had one friend die in a drive by shooting, saw others die from drug overdoses and my best friend committed suicide by jumping off an overpass onto the freeway. Death I know. It's just like I said, I never had someone die in my arms. It's---", Ryan spread his hands and shook his head hopelessly, unable to find the right words. Kirsten sank back into her chair. Ryan's little speech had its' intended effect on Kirsten. It stunned her into silence. Ryan seized the opportunity to escape. Grabbing his plate and placing it in the sink , he beat a hasty retreat. Stopping briefly at the door he turned back to face Kirsten and added. "I appreciate the offer, to talk. But really, this isn't anything I need to talk about it." Kirsten watched the boy leave choosing to saying nothing. She wasn't stupid and she knew Ryan had deliberately tried to shock her into silence. Well, he should be proud because he had. She knew the boy's past was troubled, but to have experienced that much tragedy in such a short life. It seemed unfair, but then again who said life was fair? Kirsten could not help feeling that there was still more going on than Ryan had said. She did believe the teen when he said he wasn't all that upset over the girl's death. She had sensed he was being emotionally honest with her at that point. But, there was still an undercurrent there, something he was upset about and she wondered what it really was and how it would manifest itself.  
  
Part 7 'Damn', he was not in control, Ryan thought. When he bolted from the kitchen he did not head back for the pool house. Instead, he made his way up the side of the Cohen's property to lean against the fencing that overlooked the Cooper's house. His hands were trembling and if he had a cigarette he would have smoked it, rule or no rule. But he didn't, so he had to be content with hanging his head over the railing and taking deep breaths. He was so inwardly focused that he did not immediately hear the car drive up the Cooper's driveway. It wasn't until the driver's side door slammed shut, that the vehicle entered into his consciousness. He looked up in curiosity to see who was coming home. "I don't know why they had to release you so late," Julie complained, her high heels making tip-tap noise, on the flagstone as she walked around to the passenger side of the car where the door stood open. Marissa stepped down onto the drive and even from Ryan's vantage point he could tell she was none too steady on her feet. Julie moved to her daughter's side offering an arm for support.  
  
"Mom, I could not bear being in there another night." Marissa explained.  
  
Marissa's voice was like music to Ryan's ears. He wanted to vault the fence, run down to her and gather her in his arms. Oh, how he had missed her. However, Ryan knew better and remained where he was, all the time feverishly hoping she would at least look his way and maybe smile. But it did not happen and Marissa entered into her abode without a single glance in his direction. Ryan felt his heart plummet and he slowly turned and walked away failing to notice that one person of the duo had spotted him and was not to pleased. 'First thing in the morning', Julie Cooper vowed silently, 'I'm paying a call to the Cohen's and letting them know in no uncertain terms, if that juvenile delinquent steps one foot on my property or even speaks to my daughter on the phone I'll have him locked up in jail where he can rot until he dies. Trash like him should not be allowed to roam free, especially when he caused my daughter to try to kill herself.'  
  
Part 8 "I'll get it," Sandy called out as he made a detour from his intended route to answer the front door. Sandy was surprised to see Julie Cooper on the other side of his front door. "Oh, hello Julie. What brings you here so, ah, early?"  
  
Not wasting time on niceties, Julie breezed past Sandy demanding, "Where's Kirsten?"  
  
"In the kitchen but---," Sandy never had a chance to finish his sentence as Julie flew down the hallway into the kitchen like a heat seeking missile. Kirsten, making her morning cup of coffee, looked up in puzzlement as Julie burst into her kitchen. "Good, you're here," Julie said. Scanning the room, she spotted Ryan in the den watching a music video with Seth. "You're here too. Perfect," she sneered, her voice practically dripping venom. Julie took a few steps towards where Ryan sat, her body rigid with anger. "You. You stay away from my daughter. If you set one foot on my property---." Julie whirled to face the adult Cohen's. "If he sets one foot on my property, or even so much as talks to my precious Marissa, I will have him arrested and thrown in jail which," she added, turning back to face Ryan, "is where you should be. Why they ever let you out I will never know. You have done nothing but ruin people's lives since you arrived in Newport. I thought the object of a gated community was to keep trash like you out."  
  
"That's enough Julie!" Sandy forcefully intervened.  
  
Julie turned back to Sandy focusing her wrath on him. "No Sandy, it is not. You are responsible for this. You brought that felon into our midst where he has ruined everything. If it weren't for that boy, my Marissa would be happy and healthy, not lying in her bed, despondent, with me having to worry whether she will try to kill herself again. All because of him!", Julie hissed. "He made a play for my daughter. Made her question the respectable relationship she had with Luke. He seduced her, confused her and look where it ended up! With my Marissa nearly dead!"  
  
"Now Julie, you can't blame Marissa's condition on Ryan. You and Jimmy---"  
  
Julie cut Kirsten off at the knees. "Don't talk to me about my husband, who you have been trying to seduce him ever since we moved next to you."  
  
Julie gathered herself to make her grand exit. She strode over to where Ryan now stood, having risen from the couch. Inches from his face she jabbed her finger into the boy's chest. "Marissa doesn't want to see you. Stay away from my daughter---or else." Julie glanced at Seth, who stood there in shock, and simply 'humphed' in his direction. Her parting remark to the remaining Cohen's was, "I mean it. He comes anywhere near my daughter and it is the police, jail. I'll let myself out," she finished storming from the kitchen .The front door slammed so hard that Sandy fully expected to hear the tinkling of glass as it broke and crashed to the floor. An eerie silence settled over the Cohen's kitchen while each person in the room digested what had just transpired. Ryan was the first to recover and said, "Guess I won't be cleaning her pool anymore." Everyones' eyes turned to stare at him. Shrugging sheepishly he said, "Sorry, bad joke." Kirsten started to say 'Ryan' but he cut her off. "I get it. She's upset. She doesn't want me to see Marissa. If Marissa---" Ryan stuttered slightly, "doesn't want to see me, hey, fine. Whatever. I gotta get ready for work." With that, Ryan walked swiftly to the patio doors and exited for the pool house. "Ryan, wait," Seth said starting after the departing teen. Kristen also began to follow but Sandy reached out and gently restrained her. Giving her husband a questioning glance, she halted.  
  
"Let Seth talk with him first, alone," Sandy recommended.  
  
"But Sandy, those things she said. Accusing Ryan of causing Marissa's--- condition---"  
  
"Are unfounded. Slanderous at best. But look at it from Julie's point of view. Her daughter nearly died. Julie is looking for a scapegoat and Ryan's it. Of course the way Julie has treated Marissa all these years, the fact that she and Jimmy are getting divorced, all that, has nothing to do with it, at least not in Julie's mind."  
  
"Can she really have Ryan arrested for going near Marissa?"  
  
Sandy scratched the back of his neck while he thought about the situation. "She might be able to," he reluctantly replied. "I mean I could think of a way to go about doing it and I guess there might be one other lawyer out there as brilliant as me." Sandy's joke did not lighten her frame of mind and Kirsten stared moodily out the window at the pool house. Whoever said 'love is a many splendured thing' did not have teenage children.  
  
Part 9 Ryan stood in front of his bed, backpack in hand, unmoving. Seth entered the room and watched the motionless teen for a moment before saying "Ryan?" The blond started out of his trance and began stuffing the shirt and other items on the bed into the blue pack. Seth walked around to sit on the side of the bed moving into Ryan's field of vision. Ryan tried to ignore Seth but it was pretty hard considering the dark haired teen was sitting about 2 feet away staring at him. "Gotta go to work," Ryan said but with no real conviction that it would shake Seth loose.  
  
"Those were some pretty heavy things that Marissa's mom said," Seth commented. "You must be like majorly bummed."  
  
Ryan purposely moved across the room to get something inconsequential off his desk while replying, "No, not really. I mean Mrs. Cooper was upset. She said a lot of things some which I'm sure she didn't really mean and others," he added in a barely audible tone, "that were probably true."  
  
Seth rose quickly to his feet spinning to face Ryan. "What?! How can you say that. That woman said nothing that was true."  
  
Ryan threw the backpack over his left shoulder. Facing Seth he shrugged his shoulders and spread his hands wide. "I dunno. She was right when she said I caused problems between Luke and Marissa," he countered.  
  
"Dude, those two were ready to break up. Besides you had nothing to do with Luke boffing every co-ed he met."  
  
"And," Ryan continued as if Seth had not spoken, "I have caused a lot of trouble since moving here. I don't think I need to go through the list again. You're pretty familiar with it, the model house, Vegas Night, Gabby- --"  
  
"Those weren't all your fault, well at least not alone."  
  
"Depends on your perspective Seth and the perspective from the Newport community is it is my fault. " Ryan stopped, shook his head and looked out the window at the luxury view. "I just don't think that I'm cut out for this place."  
  
Before Seth could make his rebuttal, Ryan was on his way out the door. "Besides, I'm over Marissa. Really. Later."  
  
Seth was left standing alone in the pool house thinking that this wasn't a particularly successful conversation. Did Ryan really believe any of that garbage Mrs. Cooper had been spewing? It was not Ryan's fault Marissa tried to commit suicide. If anything it was Luke's fault. Seth slowly walked back to the main house. It was also upsetting to hear Ryan say he didn't belong in Newport. Seth couldn't bear the thought of Ryan leaving, not when he finally got a cool friend and a brother. Seth also thought Ryan had lied when he said he was over Marissa. Seth knew that wasn't true. If anything the boy from Chino was even more into Marissa. Not being able to see or talk to her was going to kill Ryan and Seth knew it wouldn't be long before Ryan sought Marissa out, police order or not. If the troubled teen got caught,--- Seth shuddered thinking of what could happen. Seth made two quick decisions. First he had to ask his dad if Julie really could have Ryan arrested for seeing Marissa. Second, Seth had to see Marissa himself and find out what was really going on.  
  
Part 10  
  
It had been a disastrous shift at work. If Ryan wasn't dropping something he was spilling it. He got orders incorrect, forgot to bring items and delivered meals to the wrong tables. To say his tips suffered would be an understatement; at times Ryan felt he should be paying the customers for suffering through his service. The frazzled teen couldn't get his mind off of what Mrs. Cooper had said. Could she have been telling the truth when she said Marissa wanted nothing to do with him? How could Marissa say that. Why? Hadn't he been there for her in TJ unlike that creep Luke? Ryan couldn't kid himself. He wasn't over Marissa. Not by a long shot and not being able to see her, to talk to her, it was killing him. He couldn't live that way. Not unless that was what Marissa really wanted and to discover if that was true, he had to see her face to face. He threw his rag down on the counter and signaled that he was going outside for a break. His boss nodded back in agreement. Outside, Ryan moved to a quiet corner of the deck and sat on the top rail. Traffic on the boards was light. The old people had come and gone with the early bird specials, the teens were home doing schoolwork and the night crowd had not arrived yet. No one bothered him as he sat and pondered his lot in life. Maybe he could see Marissa at school but then again, who knew when or if she'd be coming back. Ryan could not wait that long to find out. He had to see her now, not three weeks from now. He supposed he could call Mrs. Cooper's bluff and just go to their house, but then again, what if it wasn't a idle threat? She had sounded very serious and trying to see Marissa from jail would really be tough. Call Marissa on her cell phone? Probably would be intercepted. Main house phone was definitely out. Stand on the Cohen's property and stare at the Cooper's front door waiting for Marissa to come out and hopefully look his way? Kinda long term. Ryan sighed and shoved his hands in the back pockets of his black jeans. There had to be a better way to get to Marissa. However, at the moment, he didn't know what it was.  
  
Part 11 Seth steeled himself and pushed the Cooper's buzzer. 'Hang in there Cohen,' he coached. The dark-haired teen nearly turned tail and ran when the door started to open. 'This is for Ryan,' he reminded himself as he forced himself to stand his ground. It was such a relief when Jimmy Cooper opened the door and not Julie, that Seth nearly giggled with joy .  
  
"Ah, hi, Mr. Cooper. I was, ah, wondering if I might see Marissa for a few minutes. I won't stay long and tire her out or anything. Just a quick hi."  
  
Jimmy hesitated and Seth felt his spirits flag. Was he about to get thrown out on his ass anyway?  
  
"Sure, why not Seth. Maybe it will be good for Marissa," Jimmy finally responded.  
  
"Great. That's great Mr. Cooper," Seth said as he followed Jimmy into the house. As they walked down the hall, Seth tried to unobtrusively scan each room. "Is, ah, Mrs. Cooper around," he asked in what he hoped was a nonchalant tone.  
  
"Nah, Julie is out or I wouldn't be here. She doesn't exactly want to see me with the divorce and all. However, she didn't want Marissa left alone so she reluctantly asked me to come and stay with her." Jimmy realized he was being way too frank to this teenage boy. Clearing his throat he said, " Marissa is out by the pool. Go on out."  
  
Seth walked on out to the pool deck into the brilliant California sunshine, which Marissa was in desperate need of. The girl, sitting on the chaise lounge looked pale, frail and desolate. She looked worse than the last time he had seen her in TJ.  
  
"Hey Marissa," he called out in greeting.  
  
The lithe blond-streaked brunette looked in his direction but Seth had the distinct impression she was really looking beyond him to see if anyone else was there too. Like Ryan maybe?  
  
Seth moved over to a chair near her and inquired, "Can I visit for a few?"  
  
Marissa nodded concurrence. Seth plopped down in the chair and tried to study Marissa's face, but her sunglasses were masking her eyes, making it difficult for Seth to get any readings.  
  
"It's good to see you," Seth said awkwardly, having no idea how to deal with this conversation. He had planned it all out in his head while in his room, but now, sitting here next to Marissa in the light of day, his scripted dialogue seemed lame. Very lame  
  
Marissa's gaze wandered back out over the water of the pool, disinterested.  
  
"Guess you must be happy to be home."  
  
Marissa shrugged. "For now, I guess. No telling how long we'll be able to stay here, with the divorce and all. After that, who knows where home will be."  
  
This conversation was definitely spiraling downwards. Since the wind wasn't blowing well in this direction, Seth decided to switch to a different tack.  
  
"Well, you haven't missed anything in school. Same old, same old. Newport's finest in their finery and not an active brain cell among them. Will you be coming back to school soon?"  
  
"Don't really know. Physically, the doctor said I could go back in two weeks. But who knows if it makes sense. I mean, private schools cost money and---."  
  
'Damn,' Seth cursed himself. He'd sailed down the wrong river again. This was just not working out. The teen made the decision to stop beating around the bush and get to the real reason he was here.  
  
"Ryan's been, like, in a major funk. I think he seriously misses you."  
  
Seth thought he saw Marissa start when he mentioned Ryan's name, but her voice was as cold as ice when she replied, "Well he has a funny way of showing it."  
  
"Whadda ya mean?"  
  
Marissa whipped off her sunglasses and turned her head to look directly at Seth. She was nearly trembling in anger. "He doesn't call. He doesn't visit. Not in the hospital. Not here. What's the matter? Is Gabrielle back in town? Yeah, like right, he really misses me," she concluded cynically as she shoved her sunglasses back on and stared straight out over the pool again. Seth gaped at her in shock. Marissa didn't know! Mrs. Cooper must not have told her daughter. Her mother was lying to Marissa. Keeping Ryan from seeing Marissa, but making it seem like Ryan's doing not hers! Before Seth could open his mouth to reply, Julie Cooper burst onto the scene. "What is he doing here?", she demanded.  
  
Seth guiltily jumped to his feet as if he'd been doing something wrong, which he supposed he was.  
  
"He just stopped by to visit, Mom," Marissa boredly answered.  
  
"Yes, well it's time for him to go. You mustn't tire yourself out, sweetie. You look awful and need your rest."  
  
"Thanks, Mom," Marissa muttered sarcastically.  
  
Seth wasn't a stupid boy. As much as Seth wanted to tell Marissa that her mother was keeping Ryan from seeing her, he also knew now was not the time and place. "I gotta get going anyway. Get better Rissa." He nodded to Mrs. Cooper and deliberately said, "I'll let myself out." Julie's eyebrows shut upwards and she glared at the departing back of the boy. When he was out of earshot Julie turned her attention back to her daughter.  
  
"So, what were you and that Cohen boy talking about?"  
  
Marissa sighed and sank back into the cushions of her lounge despondently. "Nothing Mom. How I'm feeling. School---", she trailed off, shrugging.  
  
"What about that other boy staying with the Cohen's?", Julie pushed.  
  
"Ryan? What about him?", Marissa voice did not disguise her animosity.  
  
Julie walked over and sat down on the edge of her daughter's chair opening her arms. Marissa sat up and allowed her mother to embrace her. The teen laid her head on her mom's shoulder while Julie stroked her hair. "I don't want you to worry about a thing darling. And put that kid next door out of your mind. He's no good for you. I'm here for you. What you need right now is to rest, get your strength back and leave the worrying to me. I'll get us through this, I promise."  
  
Marissa sat back so she could look at her mother's face. "But Mom, the divorce. Daddy. How will we---"  
  
"Sssh," Julie said stroking her daughter's cheek. "I told you to let me handle this OK? I have plans. We'll be all right."  
  
Marissa searched her mother's face for answers. There was so much more she wanted to ask but a wave of mental fatigue washed over her and suddenly she did not feel like dealing with this or anything. So Marissa simply gave her mom a little smile and said. "Alright Mom." With that, she leaned back against the cushions and closed her eyes. Julie patted her daughter's hand, rose and headed for the house. Once inside and out of Marissa's hearing she bellowed, "Jimmy!" Where are you. We need to talk! Do you ever listen to what I say?! What did I say about the Cohen boys?!"  
  
Part 12 Ryan arrived home from work that evening still without a clue on how to go about seeing Marissa without ending up in jail. Ryan was so inwardly focused on trying to find a solution that he didn't see Seth come barreling down the stairs. The dark-haired boy bound straight up to Ryan grabbing his forearm. Ryan, working on pure instinct, shook himself loose from the grasp and reversed the situation so he was holding onto his assailant's arm. He grinned sheepishly when he realized it was not the wolf he was keeping at bay but his foster brother, Seth. "Old habits," Ryan mumbled releasing the other teen's arm.  
  
Seth rubbed his bicep pretty sure there'd be a bruise there tomorrow. The boy filed away a mental note not to creep up on Ryan in a dark alley, or when he was sleeping or geez not at all if that was Ryan's unconscious reaction. Someone could get hurt, like him!  
  
Seth mentally switched gears to get back on track. "Pool house. Now. I have news," Seth stated moving towards the kitchen.  
  
"On what?" inquired Ryan as he followed behind.  
  
"Not here. Parental ears," Seth replied, tipping his head towards the office where Kirsten was on the phone. "Pool house. Private. Comprende Amigo?" Ryan had no idea where Seth was going on this one so he shrugged noncommittally and followed him out the patio door. Once both boys were in the pool house, Seth closed all the doors and windows after peering outside to see if there was anyone observing them.  
  
"Gonna draw the blinds too?", Ryan quipped.  
  
Seth got a contemplative look on his face and almost carried out the idea, that was until he looked at Ryan's face which had a 'you do and I'll kick your ass' look on it. "Ah no. This will be fine," Seth answered throwing himself into one of the arm chairs.  
  
Ryan plopped down in the other one opposite Seth and asked, "So what's this all about?"  
  
"Well Ryan. I made a little trip today. To the Cooper's"  
  
Ryan, who had slouched down in the chair and thrown his left leg over the arm quickly bolted upright. "You went where?"  
  
"You heard me. The Coopers. And do you know who I saw? Three guesses. Hmmmm? Come on. Guess." Seth made another good corporate decision after looking at the storm clouds gathering in Ryan's eyes. "Ok, or I could just tell you. Marissa. I spoke to Marissa today."  
  
Ryan burst from his chair, moved swiftly to Seth's chair and braced himself on both arms until the boy's faces were less than a foot apart.  
  
"You saw Marissa. Today," Ryan stated, clipping each word.  
  
Seth leaned back in his chair a bit to escape Ryan's intensity. "Yes. I saw Marissa. Today. At the Cooper's house."  
  
Ryan leaned in a little closer. "You talked to her?"  
  
"Well yeah. It wasn't like I was there to sell magazine subscriptions or something."  
  
Ryan's voice edged up a notch and he leaned in even closer. "What did you talk about?"  
  
Seth was starting to feel like he and Ryan were sharing the same skin. "Whoa buddy. Back off a bit." Seth's comment made Ryan realize how intense he had gotten. Shaking his head to clear it, the teen backed off and sat in his original chair. "Look, Ryan. You're not going to like what I tell you. Promise me you will not shoot the messenger, OK? Or punch him. Or for that matter do any bodily harm to him." Ryan gave Seth an exasperated look. "Right," Seth said. "Well, it seems the Coopers, or more precisely, Mrs. Cooper has not told Marissa about her little police action against you. In fact, Marissa thinks you have not tried to visit her at all since TJ." Ryan exploded from the chair, swearing vehemently. Seth involuntarily flinched even though Ryan did not come near him, but rather angrily paced the floor of the pool house.  
  
"That bitch! How could she do that?"  
  
Seth made fruitless gestures with his hands and shrugged.  
  
Ryan changed his aimless wandering to purposeful strides towards the door.  
  
"Whoa! Hey! Where ya going?" Seth questioned, popping out of his chair and moving towards Ryan.  
  
The blond teen halted momentarily. "The Coopers." He started towards the door again.  
  
Seth reached out and grabbed Ryan's bicep as he had earlier. Ryan spun back to face Seth annoyed. "What are we doing here Seth? Déjà vu? Let go of me."  
  
Seth took a deep breath then said. "No."  
  
Ryan was a bit taken back and quirked his eye brows in surprise. "No?" he repeated.  
  
"No. Not until you promise me you will not go rushing headlong over to the Cooper's. Ry, what if Julie wasn't kidding? What if she calls the cops and has you arrested? Back to juvy pal where you'll never see Marissa and probably get beaten to death by some big muscled, small brained punk."  
  
"I can take care of myself," Ryan shot back instinctively. He broke free of Seth's grip, but did not continue to head to the door. Instead he sat down heavily on the bed with a big sigh. "I have to see her, Seth," he said plaintively.  
  
Seth walked over and sat on the coffee table across from the despondent teen.  
  
"And you will, Ryan. I promise and in a way that will not have you back in jail."  
  
The anguished teen raised his head in hope. "You have a plan?"  
  
Seth drew in a long breath, cocked his head and then said, "Actually, no, not yet. But I'm working on it."  
  
Ryan dropped his head into his hands. "I have to see her."  
  
Silence fell over the room. Ryan toppled over on the bed and laid face first into the mattress. "Jail wouldn't be so bad, if I could see Marissa first," he murmured.  
  
"Somehow we'll do this without jail and--- I have it! Summer. We'll use Summer to arrange a meeting. Outside the house. At like a restaurant or something."  
  
Ryan rolled on his side and propped himself up on one elbow. "Why would Summer do that?"  
  
"Because we'll ask her. I'll ask her. She'll do it for me."  
  
"I dunno Seth," Ryan drawled skeptically.  
  
"Trust me buddy. This will work. And no jail this time."  
  
Part 12 "You want me to do what, Cohen?"  
  
Seth repeated himself very slowly as if he were talking to a two-year-old. "Arrange to meet with Marissa at 'Sunny Sides' for breakfast on Saturday."  
  
"Why?" Summer asked, slamming her locker shut. "Look, I'm late for Business Math."  
  
Seth tagged along beside her as she walked down the hall. "Look I'd be glad to help you with your math homework, I mean if you are having any trouble. I'm taking Calc II this year."  
  
Summer gave him a look like 'la-de-da'. "Sunny Sides?" she promoted.  
  
"Yes. For breakfast. Saturday."  
  
"And again. Why?"  
  
Seth gently grabbed Summer's arm and pulled her into a little alcove.  
  
"Seth!" Summer warned.  
  
"Calm yourself. Look, if I tell you why you can't tell anyone."  
  
A pouty expression appeared on Summer's face. "Like I'm going to tell someone?" A hard look from Seth had her drop the act and say "Whatever. Spill it Cohen."  
  
The teen, who found himself a little excited being this close to Summer, took a deep breath and started. "Ok, it's like this. Ryan went to see Marissa in the hospital, but Mrs. Cooper told him he couldn't see her and threatened to call the cops and have him arrested. So then when Marissa came home Mrs. C shows up on our door step, or actually in our kitchen, and says if Ryan even steps foot on her property or calls Marissa on the phone she will have him thrown in jail. Like for good. So Ryan is all bummed out cause he can't see Marissa but worse, Marissa is all mad at Ryan cause she thinks that he won't come see her 'cause she doesn't know that Mrs. C has intervened and made it so Ryan can't see Marissa."  
  
Summer stood there gaping at Seth. "How do you do that? Like do you come up for air?"  
  
Seth shook his head in disbelief that Summer wasn't taking him seriously. He started to open his mouth, agitated, when Summer cut him off. "Ok Seth. Like don't get freaky on me. I'll do it. After all, Chino was the one that remained calm when Marissa OD'd, got her to the hospital and all. He at least deserves a chance for that."  
  
"Thank you Summer," Seth gushed leaning towards her.  
  
Summer held up a hand in a blocking motion. "Whoa fellow, back off. I'm doing this for Marissa. Not you."  
  
"Can't blame me for trying to get another kiss from a gorgeous girl."  
  
"Yes, I can," she retorted.  
  
"Oh, I know. Black out rages," Seth flatly replied.  
  
Summer flashed him a small smile. "Saturday. Sunny Sides. You and Ryan meet us there. 10:00. They get one table and a little privacy and you and I get another table, not too far way. Oh, and I get the crusts."  
  
"Whatever you say, darling."  
  
Summer humhped at him and walked away. Seth pumped his fist in the air. Mission accomplished. He couldn't wait to tell Ryan.  
  
Part 13 "Come on, Coop. It will be good for you to get out of this house for a while. Ya know, like fresh air, sunshine, food, I mean, I am all for 'thin girl' but you have gone a bit too far. Please," Summer wheedled.  
  
"I dunno, Summer," Marissa answered hesitantly. "My mom, she is, like, really protective right now. She doesn't want me going anywhere on my own. Like, is she afraid or something."  
  
"You won't be alone. You'll be with me. I'll ask her if you want." Without waiting for Marissa to reply, Summer got up and flounced into the living. 'Hey, Mrs. Cooper. Can Marissa go out to breakfast with me tomorrow? It will be good for her. I'll make sure she eats well and doesn't overdo it."  
  
Julie glanced up from the fashion magazine she was skimming and looked past Summer to Marissa who had just entered the room. "Just you and Marissa?" she asked Summer while staring at Marissa.  
  
"Yeah, Mrs. C. Real calm. At Sunny Sides."  
  
"Do you want to go Marissa? I mean, if you are not up to it---."  
  
Marissa suddenly made up her mind. She did want to get out of this house for a while, out from under the watchdog eyes of her Mom. "Yeah Mom. I do. It will be good," she said trying to sound positive.  
  
"Great," bubbled Summer. "I'll pick you up at, 9:30, Coop and we'll be back by noon. Promise," she said addressing her last comment to Mrs. Cooper. "Well, gotta run. See ya tomorrow, Coop."  
  
Summer let herself out the front door leaving Marissa and her mother alone in the living room staring at each other. Marissa had the funniest feeling that her mother wanted to say something more to her, but as the seconds passed and silence reigned, Marissa mentally shrugged and finally left the room. Julie watched her daughter leave, wondering if she was doing the right thing by letting Marissa go out on her own. Yes, she was going with Summer but that wasn't saying very much. Summer was a nice girl but definitely a bit of an air-head. Julie closed the magazine and stared at the cover. The doctor had said that they had to trust Marissa, to give her some freedom. They could not keep Marissa locked up in her room for the rest of her life. They had to trust the teen, that she would make smart decisions in the future. But Julie was worried. She loved her daughter and wanted the best for her. The thought of Marissa committing suicide and the scandal it would cause on top of everything else made Julie shudder. She would go to any length to protect her daughter as well as the family's reputation. Julie might not have been able to control Jimmy but she could and would control Marissa.  
  
Part 14 "Let's go, Ryan. It won't do to be so late that we miss them! It's not like you have a big fashion selection in that closet of yours. Grab a pair of jeans, t-shirt and over shirt. Underwear choice is up to you buddy, but if you want my suggestion, tighty-whites. No one wants panty lines under their jeans."  
  
The kid from Chino stuck his head out of the closet and scowled at Seth partially because of his sarcastic comments and partially because the boy was right. Ryan had been trying to decide what to wear to make the 'best impression' on Marissa.  
  
"Go retro man. The white tank-t and the leather jacket. Back to the good old days when you first met."  
  
Still frowning, Ryan reached back into the closet and seized the first two shirts that he touched. They matched but that did not surprise him. Most of his current wardrobe was monotone and went with each other just the way he liked it. Making fashion choices wasn't his idea of fun.  
  
After Ryan yanked on his clothes Seth walked over and pretended to brush a piece of lint off his shoulder. "Navy, burgundy and black. With your blond hair, classic," Seth said pretentiously. Ryan punched Seth in the bicep as he passed by him to get his wallet off the dresser. Seth winced as he rubbed his sore arm but it didn't deter his quips at all. Moving over to the door, he opened it and bowed formally from the waist. "Your carriage awaits." Ryan debated whether he should punch Seth again as he walked out of the pool house but decided against it. It had not worked last time in shutting Seth up so he doubted it would be anymore effective now. Seth had managed to convince his mom to let them use the Rover, so the boys arrived at the restaurant in style rather than on board and bike. Ryan had tried to remain cool, calm and collected in the car, but the sweat stains on his t-shirt gave him away. As he got out of the car in the parking lot, Ryan tried to unobtrusively sniff his pits to see if he smelled and of course, Seth caught him. Walking around the front of the car, Seth made a major scene out of sniffing Ryan. "Fresh, dude." Ryan squinted warily at Seth and the boy hastily added, "No, really, Ry. You are fine. No odor, man. Hair check, clothes check. Let's rock." Seth scanned the lot and spotted Summer's jeep. "They're already here." Ryan's stomach did a flip-flop. God knows why was he so nervous. It is not like he didn't know Marissa. Heck, they had almost went out, almost kissed, almost slept together. Gee, he thought. Maybe it was the 'almosts' that were making him anxious. He and Marissa had a history of 'almosts' but never 'been there done that'. Seth entered the brightly painted restaurant and spotted the girls sitting in a yellow striped booth by the window. Marissa's back was to the door but Summer saw them enter. She made brief eye contact with Seth to acknowledge their presence and motioned ever so slightly with her head indicating the boys should come over. "You're on Ryan. Let's go. Good morning ladies. Fine day for pancakes, " he said sliding into the booth next to Summer who was forced to move over or make bodily contact with the teen. Ryan made no move to sit but awkwardly stood by the edge of the table. His and Marissa's eyes briefly met, then they each looked away, Marissa to glare at Summer and Ryan to study the floor.  
  
"You set this up Summer," Marissa charged her friend. "I don't feel like company, especially his," she said with a small head shake in Ryan's direction.  
  
"Outta the booth, Cohen," Summer said, catching him by surprise by body checking him nearly onto the floor. Seth scrambled to get to his feet before he landed on the tile.  
  
"I love it when you get physical," Seth mocked as Summer flounced out next to him.  
  
"In your dream's Cohen. Look, Marissa, you and Chino need to talk, if only to call him an ass, if that's what you want to do. But you need to clear the air. Trust me, I know about these things. Let's go Cohen, over there," she ordered moving to a nearby empty table.  
  
"Can I sit down?", Ryan questioned.  
  
"Guess so," Marissa replied determined not to be taken in by his seemingly good manners and incredibly sexy blue eyes.  
  
Ryan eased onto the seat and immediately picked up a spoon and started fidgeting with it. Marissa pointedly ignored him and stared out the window. They went on like this for a good five minutes, neither being willing to be the first one to speak. Out of the sky came a mini blueberry muffin which smacked on the tabletop between the two stubborn teens before sliding to a crumbly rest against the napkin dispenser. Two blond heads immediately turned in the direction of Seth and Summer's table.  
  
"Talk!", Summer mouthed.  
  
Marissa turned away to stare out the window again. Ryan looked at her profile then glanced back at the other table. "Ah Marissa. I think we'd better talk. It looks like they are getting ready to launch a second attack. This time a half of grapefruit. That won't be pretty."  
  
"Fine," she said haughtily. "What do you want to talk about. School? The weather? My parent's divorce. What I did in TJ? How fun it is to have your stomach pumped? What it's like in the nut hose? Why you didn't come to see me at all?"  
  
"I tried but---".  
  
Ryan never got to finish because Marissa cut him off. "Oh save it, Ryan. You always have excuses, like the time you stood me up, or the time you ran off in the middle of our date to rescue Seth. Done anymore rescuing recently, Mr. White Knight?"  
  
The boy's eyes dropped to the table and his voice got low and husky. "Not really. I didn't save her. She died."  
  
Marissa was confused. "Ryan, what are you talking about?"  
  
The boy swallowed hard, raising his eyes to look out at the aqua blue ocean. "You wouldn't have heard that Linda committed suicide. I mean I doubt your mom would have told you after TJ." Ryan stopped and winced, realizing what he implied.  
  
"It's alright. I had to talk about--- TJ---, in therapy before they would release me. I mean, I didn't really mean to do what I did. I wasn't trying to kill myself, not really. I was just trying to escape the pain."  
  
As Marissa talked Ryan's gaze had shifted back to her.  
  
"It's been so hard. With the divorce and all. I mean, at first I was totally blaming my mom But in therapy, when I explored this more, I realized they both had a role in this. Mom has been trying, since she kicked Dad out, to make life as normal as possible for Caitlin and me and I know that hasn't been easy for her. I have to respect her for that. She has had to deal with the scandal in the community, her so-called friends talking about her behind her back, me and TJ, the money situation. You know. Mom is actually a lot stronger than I give her credit for."  
  
Ryan had to bite his tongue. Julie Cooper was not on the top of his list of people to give credit to.  
  
"You know, I think this whole incident has brought me closer to my Mom. I mean we do not see eye to eye on everything, but she's OK. She trying."  
  
"Physically, you're OK? After TJ?" he asked .  
  
Smiling she replied, "Yeah. I'm fine," then she grew very serious. "I don't get it Ryan. They told me you found me in that alley and carried me to the hospital."  
  
"Seth and Summer were there too."  
  
Marissa ignored him. "The nurse I called in TJ, during my therapy said you were there the whole time, at my side, until my parents arrived and flew me home. That's why I don't get it," she continued her voice growing rough. "Why didn't you come to visit me, even once the whole time I was in the hospital, or the ward, or at home? I know I was allowed to have visitors. I thought we had--- something, a connection--- were friends." Ryan purposely looked away, unable to meet her eyes. What was he suppose to tell her? The truth? That no longer seemed appropriate if she and her mom were really getting along. How would Marissa react if he told her it was her mother that had kept them apart? Was that a good idea? Would it depress Marissa? Would it cause a riff between her and her mother that might lead to something else? But if he didn't tell her, she would think he didn't care about her and that was as far from the truth as one could get. It was a no-win situation. It was Marissa's turn to study Ryan's profile. Why didn't he answer her? Ryan looked back at her, a hopeless expression on his countenance.  
  
"It's alright, Ryan. You don't have to answer."  
  
"Marissa, if I could have---" he said lamely.  
  
"No really, Ryan. It's Ok. I mean, you did a lot for me and I'm grateful."  
  
The boy reached across the table and captured her hand. "I wanted to but--- look, let me make it up to you, take you out, whatever."  
  
Marissa quietly extracted her hand from his. "I'm not ready to---, I need to concentrate on me now Ryan. I can't deal with other people, the problems they present. To get better, I have to focus on healing myself without distractions. I'm sorry."  
  
Ryan's heart plummeted to his boots. She wasn't going to forgive him, to give him another chance. He almost changed his mind and blurted out about Julie but when Marissa added. "I need to focus on my family too. My mom, Dad, Caitlyn." He could not bring himself to rat out Julie.  
  
"And Luke?", he asked, his voice gruff.  
  
Marissa looked at him, away and then back. "I don't know Ryan," she replied cautiously. "Yeah, I know he cheated on me and all and I am having a hard time forgiving him for that. But he as also been there for me through this whole--- situation. At the hospital, helping out my mom. Hey, we all make mistakes," she said looking pointedly at him. "But in therapy they taught me to look beyond the mistake to see what can be salvaged, if anything. Not to throw the shoe out with the shoebox. If you know what I mean." Ryan slumped dejected in the booth but Marissa's resolve remained strong. She had to look out for herself right now and that meant no outside complications. Ryan was definitely a complication.  
  
Ryan hated himself for doing it, but he asked, "Are you sure?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
The two sat there in silence again, bringing the circle full around. They had started out with silence and had ended the same way with one big difference. The silence in the beginning had hope. The silence at the end had none.  
The car ride home from Sunny Side's was reminiscent of the car ride home from the beach party. Ryan was totally uncommunicative and his eyes had that desolate look in them again. When Seth had tried to ask him how things had went, Ryan had quickly shut him down saying he didn't want to talk about it. No amount of cajoling would illicit a response and eventually Seth gave up. The Rover pulled in the driveway and Ryan quickly got out. He turned to face Seth and said, "Thanks man for trying. But she doesn't want to see me now." Addressing no one in particular Ryan muttered "An Atwood screws up again. No big surprise there." With that, the blond turned and walked into the house leaving Seth standing alone. This was not the happy ending he had been hoping for. Seth couldn't help but wonder what lay ahead for all of them.  
  
THE END 


End file.
